Mockney: Scherzando
What’s the best option, well we know
Club ahoy, The Hot Totty A Go Go.
We ‘ill drink to excess – just for a laugh
Not ever do nuffing, not nuffing by half.
Dave he’s a tosser, but what a star?
Puked up his chunder, on floor of the bar.
And those salad sunsets are wasted on him,
As is moral philosophy, cos he’s a bit dim.
The angry waves crash and then they disperse,
He has lost his wallet, Oh what could be worse.
Need the loo, try the power room
Or just wee up an ally, says the staggering groom;
We’re all cum down to Brighton, for pre wedding fun.
Look Pete has scored already, go on my son!
Well more you consume, the braver you are
Believe the malarkey, now let’s steal a car.
You’re my mate, least for another round
Let’s snort marching powder, I like the sound.
With doormen blokes, we have some macho banter
Rob has fell off the Pier and lost his Tam o’ Shanter.
Tomorrow the church, vows and steeple
But tonight we dress up – as the Village People!
Such a madcap stunt, never done before
These plastic chaps are making me sore.
Funniest thing ever, is sex up the rear
We ‘er all real jokers, pretending to be queer,
Tomorrow’s a big day – but tonight the lads are cool
Me salt’s had her slagnight, in sunny Blackpool.
Drinking binge lark, with lager vodka races
From the joke shop bought, comical moustache faces.
Things aren’t good, with voice so slurred
Not helping matters, to pick up a bird.
Well Neil’s’ alright, two fights and a shag
But isn’t that Gary, kissing a bloke in drag?
With violent talk, to threaten and to curse
Belligerent indifference creates hangovers to nurse.
Remember very little and covered in sick
Got nicked last night, for exposing me dick!
Of course, real men they can hold their drink
As Rob chunders‘ his guts – in a Police cell sink.
Now it’s up the judge, all us cocky lads are heading
Oh! No, Balls and shit, I’ll miss me fucking wedding.
